So I know that I said in my first post that like, “books are fuckin dumb!” And they totally are. But hear me out on this one. Okay, so yes, technically this is a book, but technically it is also AWESOME because it is full of pictures of AWESOME CRITTERS. There is text and stuff in it too, but do you think I actually sat down and read that? Hell no! I don't think I need to struggle with full sentences, let alone full words to understand that the critters in this book are AWESOME and they are mostly there for me to look at them NOT actually learn about them. Le duh! It's like the same reason nobody actually READS Playboy.
Just to give you a little taste of how AWESOME some of these critters are, consider these little dudes!
They are FUCKIN AWESOME ammiright? They are like some sort of howler monkey type animal that has a vagina flower headdress attached to it! This is the kind of shit Georgia O'Keefe probably had nightmares about! And it looks like they kind of both want to eat that giant moth really bad and are maybe seconds away from having a down n' dirty vagina howler monkey brawl over it! AWESOME!!!
Anyway, there's a bunch more critters after the jump, including THE MOST AWESOME CRITTER IN THE HISTORY OF EVER. You will tell your grandkids to tell their grandkids about this critter because that's how insanely AWESOME it is.
But first lemme introduce you to these gentle beasts, the Rabbucks:
Basically this Dougal Dixon cat just decided to go totally kooky and unleash a torrent of AWESOME on us by throwing together every cute animal you could think of. Bunny? Check! Llama? Check! Giraffe? You betcha! Looks like he maybe threw in a little Bambi for good measure. I've traded counting sheep for counting Rabbucks anymore now that I know these things might one day in the very distant future be possible if this dude's very shaky theories on speculative zoology are maybe somehow true!
But that's all the cute you get because watch out now! Here comes Big Bird's Goth younger brother, and even though he too is AWESOME, he does not approve of cuteness.
In fact, he is really just barely tolerating those little tiny birdies at his feet, mostly because he knows he could step on them at any given time and be like “Done. Problem Solved. Now where the fuck did I put my Joy Division box set?” He is kind of into that power dynamic.
Oh and speaking of birds:
OH HAI THERE! Looks like somebody shaved off Eugene Levy's eyebrows, died them white, then yanked out Lauren Hutton's front teeth and stuck them on an already pretty unfortunate looking winged critter. But that's okay because now it is an AWESOME critter! And I'm just gonna go ahead and put it out there, that salt and pepper gray thing that's going on with this guys chest is kind of hot in a silver fox kind of way! If this guy and Roger Sterling from Mad Men were both beating down my door some night when I'm ovulating I think it would be a pretty tough choice!
Okay but now it's time for the moment we've all been waiting for, the unveiling of the MOST AWESOME CRITTER IN THE HISTORY OF EVER!!!!
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ALMOST THERE
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TA FUCKING DA MOTHERFUCKS!!!
I give you THE MOST AWESOME CRITTER IN THE HISTORY OF EVER:
I am not going to sully this dude's AWESOMENESS with my uncouth banter, so I will simply say, enjoy the rest of the weekend and think of him in your private moments!
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