Baby Workers

So all of this hoopla over the newest fad parenting book (you can read all about it here; it's called "Tiger Mommies" or something dumb like that) got me thinking about what I would do if I had a baby.  Obviously, if I was gonna have a baby, my first reaction would be to grab a coat hanger and get to work.  But let's just say for the sake of argument that I was out of coat hangers that day and I was tasked with having to figure out my personal parenting philosophy.  Well, this Amy Chua lady wrote this book to share her experiences growing up with a strict traditional Chinese mother, who I guess was sort of like the mom in Black Swan except with piano instead of ballet.  I think her point is like, "Hey, look at me, I went to Harvard and shit and now I teach at Yale, so my mammy musta done something right."  Anyway, I agree with this parenting strategy in as much as moms should totally be pushy bitches to their kids, but I think this lady's book probably doesn't go far enough (wouldn't know; didn't read it; not planning to read it).  Effective parenting should start early and take advantage of the character-building effects of hard work.  What I'm getting at here is that babies should join the workforce.  See, look how much more useful potentially successful in life this baby looks...

than, say, this baby...

This baby needs to get off her ass and stop fucking around.  I don't care that you haven't learned how to control your own bowel movements yet--GET A JOB LOSER!

The Most Awesome Critter in the History of Ever

So I know that I said in my first post that like, “books are fuckin dumb!” And they totally are. But hear me out on this one. Okay, so yes, technically this is a book, but technically it is also AWESOME because it is full of pictures of AWESOME CRITTERS. There is text and stuff in it too, but do you think I actually sat down and read that? Hell no! I don't think I need to struggle with full sentences, let alone full words to understand that the critters in this book are AWESOME and they are mostly there for me to look at them NOT actually learn about them. Le duh! It's like the same reason nobody actually READS Playboy.

Just to give you a little taste of how AWESOME some of these critters are, consider these little dudes!

They are FUCKIN AWESOME ammiright? They are like some sort of howler monkey type animal that has a vagina flower headdress attached to it! This is the kind of shit Georgia O'Keefe probably had nightmares about! And it looks like they kind of both want to eat that giant moth really bad and are maybe seconds away from having a down n' dirty vagina howler monkey brawl over it! AWESOME!!!

Anyway, there's a bunch more critters after the jump, including THE MOST AWESOME CRITTER IN THE HISTORY OF EVER. You will tell your grandkids to tell their grandkids about this critter because that's how insanely AWESOME it is.