More than You Could Ever Possibly Want to Know About Puppy Bowl VII

Every January, right when my seasonal affective disorder is just about to peak with a good three days of not leaving the house and eating exclusively ramen noodles in between episodes of sobbing in the bathtub, something miraculous happens! What is this miraculous happening, you ask? Well cool your goshdarn jets, Jetboys and Jetgirls because I am about to tell you!

It's because every January the MUTHERFUCKING PUPPY BOWL STARTING LINEUP is announced!!! Do you understand how much cuteness we are talking about here? A SHIT TON of cuteness, that's how much! And by the looks of it, this year's puppies are no exception!

There are so many questions we have to ask ourselves!  Will there be another blimp piloted by hamsters this year?  Will any of the puppies be disqualified for steroid use and/or blood doping?  And more importantly, where can I find nudie pics of the rabbit cheerleaders?  I don't know the answers to any of those things, but let me tell you what I do know!

PHOTOZ of all the puppies, my PLAYER-BY-PLAYER GAME DAY PROJECTIONS, talk of the oft-overlooked KITTEH HALF TIME SHOW, and SO MUCH MORE after the jump!

The Most Awesome Critter in the History of Ever

So I know that I said in my first post that like, “books are fuckin dumb!” And they totally are. But hear me out on this one. Okay, so yes, technically this is a book, but technically it is also AWESOME because it is full of pictures of AWESOME CRITTERS. There is text and stuff in it too, but do you think I actually sat down and read that? Hell no! I don't think I need to struggle with full sentences, let alone full words to understand that the critters in this book are AWESOME and they are mostly there for me to look at them NOT actually learn about them. Le duh! It's like the same reason nobody actually READS Playboy.

Just to give you a little taste of how AWESOME some of these critters are, consider these little dudes!

They are FUCKIN AWESOME ammiright? They are like some sort of howler monkey type animal that has a vagina flower headdress attached to it! This is the kind of shit Georgia O'Keefe probably had nightmares about! And it looks like they kind of both want to eat that giant moth really bad and are maybe seconds away from having a down n' dirty vagina howler monkey brawl over it! AWESOME!!!

Anyway, there's a bunch more critters after the jump, including THE MOST AWESOME CRITTER IN THE HISTORY OF EVER. You will tell your grandkids to tell their grandkids about this critter because that's how insanely AWESOME it is.