Spending this much time in bed has so far meant three things: crippling social isolation/boredom, a hecka sore neck, and watching lots of really dumb TV and movies. Don't worry though, other than this whiny inaugural post, I will spend less time talking about the first two things and the bulk of my time talking about all the mind-numbingly stupid things I watch.
If there's one good thing you could say about mono though, it's “holy crap I am losing more weight than an Olsen twin!” Before getting this virus, I didn't realize why people with mono lost weight. I thought it was because you're just SO TIRED and just SO NOT HUNGRY and life is just SO TOUGH and boo fuckin' hoo. What I didn't realize is that it actually has more to do with the fact that the back of your throat feels like it is covered in GODDAMNED RAZORBLADES every time you try to swallow your own saliva.
Another thing about mono is that you smell bad. Like really, really, rotting vegetables and B.O. kind of bad. I've been taking two baths a day, not moving around at all lest I fall asleep or rupture my precious spleen, and low and behold, I still smell like a pair of funky gym drawers.
Also my cat will sit there and lick the same spot on my face for a solid twenty minutes before I can summon the energy to fight her off. It's annoying!
Thus, my only solace is shitty, shitty reality television and whatever movies are available on Netflix instant view. I know what you're saying, “why not read a book?” Well I'll tell you why not. Coz books are fucking dumb! I been there, done that, got the useless Baccalaureate degree in literature, and lemme tell you, there is no way my sick ass is gonna sit through 500 pages of The Tenant of Wildfell Hall only to discover that yes!, her evil husband dies and she can finally marry that younger hotter dude who doesn't really seem like that much better of a guy when you really think about it! And I am most certainly not gonna lay here spellbound by some William Faulkner, being all like “Damn if these Compson brothers didn't have me at 'pioneering stream-of-consciousness narrative style!'” Nope--I need the instant gratification that comes with watching an hour and a half of The Biggest Loser. Also rumor has it a new season of Bad Girls Club is starting in a few days. Fuck yeah!
But anywayz, since I am basically a social leper right now, I have had no one to share my heartfelt reality TV and shitty movie related insights with. Thus, a blog is born.
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