Baby Workers

So all of this hoopla over the newest fad parenting book (you can read all about it here; it's called "Tiger Mommies" or something dumb like that) got me thinking about what I would do if I had a baby.  Obviously, if I was gonna have a baby, my first reaction would be to grab a coat hanger and get to work.  But let's just say for the sake of argument that I was out of coat hangers that day and I was tasked with having to figure out my personal parenting philosophy.  Well, this Amy Chua lady wrote this book to share her experiences growing up with a strict traditional Chinese mother, who I guess was sort of like the mom in Black Swan except with piano instead of ballet.  I think her point is like, "Hey, look at me, I went to Harvard and shit and now I teach at Yale, so my mammy musta done something right."  Anyway, I agree with this parenting strategy in as much as moms should totally be pushy bitches to their kids, but I think this lady's book probably doesn't go far enough (wouldn't know; didn't read it; not planning to read it).  Effective parenting should start early and take advantage of the character-building effects of hard work.  What I'm getting at here is that babies should join the workforce.  See, look how much more useful potentially successful in life this baby looks...

than, say, this baby...

This baby needs to get off her ass and stop fucking around.  I don't care that you haven't learned how to control your own bowel movements yet--GET A JOB LOSER!