Fun, Romance, and Healthy Gums

I know, I KNOW--I let you all down just when things started to get steamy on The Bachelor.  And doubtless, you have also sorely missed my hard-hitting journalism about baby workers and Puppy Bowl. I can explain!  See, law school got tough and my internet situation was all fucked up for a while.  But I know how important my musings on reality trash are to us all, so, for the sake of MONOPARTY, I have gotten a reliable internet connection and dropped out of law school.  You can expect to be seeing a lot more of me ladies and gents!  (by that I mean that I am also launching a soft-core webcam site...)

Anywho, we all know by now that Brad Womack did what everyone expected and picked sweet, blonde Emily, the single mammy with a tragic backstory that provided endless possibilities for the emotionally insensitive producers that made her go on several traumatic dates.  OLD NEWZ!!!!  No one cares, Brad and Emily, because the newest Bachelorette has been revealed!!!  Click through to find out who the lucky lady is!!!!

THAT'S RIGHT AMERICA, IT'S ASHLEY THE DENTIST!!!!

We may never know why the creative minds behind this promotional photo decided to instruct their subject to "bend down like you gotta drop a deuce, but make sure the bouquet is also touching your right cheek and you are smiling at us," but one thing we can be sure of is that we'll never look at dental school students the same way again!!!

You may remember Ashley from the show--she's the one with the big smile and the even bigger forehead--who somehow made it into the final three through sheer enthusiasm.  She also loves to shake her "groove thing SO MUCH" and she guarantees "fun, romance, and healthy gums!"  (This video showcases all of the contestants, but Ashley's segment is first, so don't be scurred by the length):

I am kind of excited for her to be the Bachelorette, because even though she is no Michelle, she still has a couple good facial expressions up her sleeve...

...and the Bachelorette usually has some way more enjoyable contestants in terms of douchebaggery/buffoonery.  When it starts in a few months, MONOPARTY WILL BE THERE 4 U!